She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
