; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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