there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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