I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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