Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
