I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
