wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
