I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
