party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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