Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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