I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
