office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
