get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
