maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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