how do flat chested girls get laid?
nutella sex= disaster
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
