I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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