Cold hands, warm shart.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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