Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
