Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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