i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
