he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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