I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
