she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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