bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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