Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
