i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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