he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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