I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
