I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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