theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
