I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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