: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He better not be in your backpack
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
