My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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