you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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