went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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