I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
