so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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