i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
