I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
