ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
