I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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