The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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