I haven't been this sober since birth.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
