and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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