just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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