WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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