Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
