I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
