just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
