I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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