i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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