It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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