Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
