my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
