Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
