you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
