Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
