my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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