i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
