First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
