I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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