do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
