whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
