The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
