We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
