Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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