Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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