Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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