Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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