My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
