3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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