Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
