Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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